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Sex - The Bears

One day, a man got the sudden idea to take up bear hunting. After much money was spent on such things as camouflage, a rifle, ammunition, and bear mace, the man takes off for Alaska.

On his first day out, he sees nothing. The same is true with the second day, and so on. Finally, on the last day of the season, this little black bear, not much more than a cub, walks into the clearing. The man deliberates a little, then decides that this bear is going nowhere. He pulls up, sights in, and shoots. The bear falls dead.

As the man stands up to survey his kill, he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he sees a very large black bear, and it doesn't look too happy to see him. The bear just looks back at him and says, "Look, man, that was my youngest cousin you just shot. Now I've got a proposition for you: I get to maul you, or we're going to have mad animal sex right here, right now." Now the man really doesn't want to die, so he chooses the latter. How bad could it be?

It takes the man a month to recover from the bear's "tender attentions." When he finally does, the man has vengeance on his mind. Immediatly he books another bear hunt. Lo and behold, the first day out, he spots the very bear who had caused all this pain. He pulls up and shoots. As he prepares to gloat over the bear's corpse, he feels a tap on his shoulder.

Turning around, the man finds himself face-to-chest with the largest brown bear he has ever seen. Not suprisingly, it said, "Alright man, you just shot my cousin. Now we can either get bloody and messy, or we can get down and dirty right now." The man still doesn't want to die...

Three months later, the man is booked and in the field again, seeking out that brown bear. Once again, he sees the thing on the first day. Once again, he pulls up and shoots. Once again, he feels that tap.

This time, it's an enormous grizzly bear. "Now see here, man, you just blasted my cousin into oblivion. Now I can tear you apart and spread your body from one side of this state to the other, or you can reach down, grab your ankles, and pray." Shaking his head, the man reaches down...

A year later, the man finally manages to get out of bed and to the phone. It was that grizzly bear's turn to die! Once again, he comes across the bear on the first day out. Once again, the man shoots. And once again, he feels the dreaded tap.

Turning around, the man finds himself looking at the largest polar bear imaginable. The bear looks at him once and says, "You don't come out here for the hunting, do you?"

Rating: 3.76

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