Imagine you are sitting uncomfortable in a coffin, when suddenly you see a shooting star. What is your wish?

  That your next meal will contain marshmallows.
  That the big hairy antelope staring at you will suddenly sprout wings and fly into a tornado.
  That you could find some clothes to wear.
  That when you fall asleep, little fairies won't crawl into your ears and steal all the answers for tomorrow's algebra test.
  That for your birthday you'll get a collection of a scab from every president of the United States of America.

What do pineapples buy when they go shopping?

  More pineapples!
  Spongebob squarepants pillows.
  Bathrobes, obviously.
  Bubbles for their hair.
  Giant caterpillars to do their evil bidding.

If Einstein, a unicorn, and a pinecone were all combined into a single being, what would it's hair look like?

  So that's how Justin Bieber got his hair like that.
  A mix between Barack Obama and Ron Weasly.
  Something that would start with the letter Q.
  One word: monkeybutt.
  Like my grandma's does in the morning after she waters our dandelions.

Did you leave the lid open when you last flushed?

  Sure?
  I believe in unshackling things that are usually put in awkward places.
  No, because I was wearing a hula skirt.
  Maybe, maybe not.
  The Greek gods believed in the remembering of their first box of Wheaties.

Have you ever hugged a hobo?

  The answer is D: All of the above. Plus a few edilble socks.
  Feet are my only purpose in life. They complete my secret longing for someone who loves to eat glue.
  Yes, yes I have.
  The definition of perky is, "Someone who doesn't know how to answer this question."
  No, all the hobos died a few years ago in the earthquake that killed the unicorns.

Why is water blue?

  I think it has something to do with light and the sky, or something
  Because that's what color fish pee is.
  I like dinosaurs! Especially when they sing me songs about firefighters!
  Probably don't know, definetly don't care. Unless, of course, it gets me food.
  It's all the crocodile's fault, for eating the buffalo on Thanksgiving because he thought it was a french fry!

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  But that still doesn't explain your behavoir on our date last friday! Why did you have to eat her pantyhose?
  jsiawhaukweilfhoia
  Freak.
  You shouldn't try to talk with your mouth full.
  Uh, yes?

What is the eye color of a pistachio who has been to Italy?

  Red, cause he's crying.
  It doesnt have eyes!
  Purple, from the overflowing wave of Mexican toothpaste he had to use.
  Blue?
  The same color of his mother's best friend's underwear that she wore on her 60th birthday.

If chicken pot pie equals pickle relish, what do eyebrows like to date?

  Obviously it's lips are too manly for a Mop'n'Glow.
  I think it would either be a chair or a toothpick.
  Please say that again, but in English this time.
  A pink sparkly toenail.
  And why should I care?