I will eat your soul!

  WTF???!!!!!
  Ummm....
  yay!!!!! cheese!
  NINJAS, ATTAAAAACK!!!

Cows?

  MOOO
  ummmm...
  yes
  how is this relevant?
  QWERTYUIOP
  no?

NINJA ATTACK!!! HYAH!!

  help?
  NOOO NOT THE CHEESE!!
  WTF?
  yay!
  uhhhh...
  PARTY PARTY, PARTY PARTY, PARTY PARTY, WOO!

one direction?

  MACHETTE!
  what? where?!
  I CAN'T FIND MY FEET!
  uhhh...
  You don't know you're beautiful... o-o-oh...

Your uncle just turned eeeevil!

  ummm...
  Nooo! help!!!
  How did you know?
  HA HA HA I HAVE KIDNAPPED YOUR CHEESE!
  I don't have an uncle...

where are your eyes?

  In my eyesockets... duh.
  what sort of question is that?
  eyes... eyes... NO! WHERE ARE MY EYES?!!?!
  where are your eyes?
  who cares about eyes... NOW I'VE LOST MY CHEESE!

YAAAAH!

  WTF???!!!!!
  NINJAAAS!
  Ummm... I'm leaving now...
  I STILL CAN'T FIND MY EYES!
  *grabbing face* WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE MY EYES?????!!!!

the world is coming to an end

  ummmm...
  no it's not what are you talking about
  if this is about the mayan calendar again...
  SAVE THE DOUGHNUTS!!!!!
  Is this occurence brought about by ninjas?
  NOOO!!! IS IT MY EVIL UNCLE?
  WON'T ANYONE HELP ME FIND MY EYES?!!!

Zombies?

  GRABBING MY MACHINE GUN!!! KILL!!!!
  zombies don't exist idiot.
  I'M A ZOMBIE!!!!! BRAINSSS!!!
  I would be crying... BUT NO ONE WILL HELP ME FIND MY EYES!!!
  SPARE THE RAINBOW MUSTACHES!!!
  no! pirates!
  ummmm...