Hello. How are you today?

  I'm pretty good, you?
  Not great, actually.
  My life is a soul sucking prison and the fact that I exist puts my heart in more danger of exploding out of sheer despair every waking second
  I'm okay

Who is more funny, Bo Burnham or John Mulaney?

  I don't like either.
  Bo Burnham is pretty good I guess
  I don't watch comedy.
  I don't watch these two specific comedians, and their names are ridiculous.
  I can't choose!
  John Mulaney is literally the one and only immortal god who single handedly carries the entire comedy industry on his shoulders

Did you laugh at this image?

  Yes. It is hilarious for reasons that are inexplicible to me in any human words comprehendable even by the human who created this godforsaken image. My humor is a joke. Haha, get it? Anyways, yes.
  Yeah I guess
  I thought it was funny but I didn't laugh out loud
  I'm just tired of this freaking meme type "Me and the boys looking for beans at 2am" No Jared at 2am you were sobbing in your one bedroom apartment alone because Karen left you and is never coming back because you made a MISTAKE Jared, you made a mistake, why can't you see that, if only you could learn to swallow your pride and apologize maybe just maybe you could learn to love again
  eh, not really.
  I haven't laughed in years

In games where the dialogue choices have no effect on the outcome, do you still choose to be polite to beings that do not exist in your realm?

  Yes.
  Haha no
  I feel some sort of "love" for fictional characters because I know that unlike people in my real life, they can never leave me, so I choose to be kind to them; If only to spare them further feelings of misery being trapped in the virtual prison of existence known as being my friend.
  Sometimes, depends on the game.

Did you remember to water your baguettes this morning, son?

  Don't call me son I am either a girl or not your child. But yes I did thank you for asking
  Oh no! I did not!
  What is this..?
  I ate my baguettes early this morning, local guardian. I must say that they were delicious.

Are you picking the answers which seem the most surreal in order to please me, your guardian of the time space continuum, and perhaps spare your own life? (Are you just trying to get a good score and aren't being honest?)

  "No, No!" I stutter with fear into the void, hoping hopelessly that the gods have not discovered my secret.
  Yeah lol
  No, of course not.

Do you like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,meme man? Or do you despise?

  I must say, I despise with all my heart.
  He can exist within my realm of phsyical being as long as he does not violate my trust; I do not care.
  He has no shared my secret with the gods, so I should say I enjoy it's presence.
  My love for meme man has transcended into a toxic state of being, where I am him, and he is me. My approval of his existence can literally never be seperated from the infinite bounds of time and space.
  He's ok I guess?

What do you want to be when you grow older? Your age has no effect on this. Please do not find some way to share your age with me, I do not care how many years you have been alive.

  A zombie, I suppose
  One of the gods, among your kind
  Very accomplished
  dead

Do you like to grow plants?

  No, their eternal silence frightens me.
  Yes, their eternal silence comforts me.
  I grow baguettes, my friend, delicious ones. I make friends with them and then doom them to a short lived agony prison in my tum tum
  I am literally a farmer

Are you disconnected from reality?

  Is that a trick question?
  Yes, obviously.
  No I am not in denial about anything especially not Jerry's death

I'm sorry, for I must leave;It's time for my jazzy soul to get schooled on an advanced level of thinking, as a god myself. Perhaps I will see you again, granted my presence is acknowledged. What gifts would you appreciate me to bring upon my next visit to Earth?

  A longer version of this quiz!
  Something like this, but different
  A funny quiz
  A survival quiz
  Literally anything but this
  Please stay away you are frightening my children