which are you?

  i'm gonna taze you bro
  don't taze me bro!

do you think it would be fun to punch that fat kid over there?

  yes
  no
  if i'm mad

have you beaten up someone before?

  yes
  no

do you cut your wrists?

  no
  yes
  no, I cut other peoples wrists......among other things

do you cuss people out?

  no
  yes
  wait, why would I even?

have you killed anyone?

  ummm..........
  yeah and I have no remorse
  no no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooo

are you an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend?

  no, neeeevvvveeeerrr
  yes

are you drunk normaly?

  yeths (stumbles into table)
  no i'm always sober

do you make rasist jokes next to black/german/irish etc. people?

  but they're only slightly evolved chimps!
  no, in fact my best friend is black/irish/german etc.