Llama llama cheesecake llama ______, _____, ______ llama llama llama mushrooms llama llama llama duck

  Tablet, brick, potato
  Toothpaste, penguin, bathtub
  Japavski's orangutans

Who parked their car on my sandwich?

  I ain't sayin' it was Lorenzo, but the guy still needs his money.
  Gertrude did.
  Some old turtle.

I can beat you up because I have a black belt in kung pao chicken.

  I am trained in the ancient art of POTATO CHUCKIN'
  My great grandmother is a professional bear-wrestler
  I'm really just a hobo bathing in mayonnaise.
  I'm gonna make an onion

IF YOU WERE A CLASSY FRENCH GENTLEMAN WHAT WOULD YOUR NAME BE???????????

  Francois Pierre Blaireau
  Alfonzo Gregory
  Big Phil
  Bismo Funyuns

Juan Ricardo's abuela is in Wal Mart trying to find the best deal on quesadillas for Juan Ricardo and his 13 cousins. Eventually she decides it's cheaper to buy the ingredients and make the quesadillas herself. If she buys 68lbs of chicken, 1200 tortillas, 16 gallons of sour cream, 300 heads of lettuce, and 72 bottles of hot sauce, will she have enough ammunition to fight off the border patrol while she drives home?

  Yessum
  I'm a lawn gnome.

What ferocious wild animals should you look out for while on vacation in Cleveland?

  Bears and lizards and squids
  Slippery goats
  P*ssed off Browns fans

What is the most dangerous thing in the sky?

  GIANT FLYING SHEEP
  A magic penguin on a levitating pancake
  Purple nurples
  Flamingos.

Which of the following is a sign of the alpacalypse?

  When you walk outside and an ugly munchkin is wrestling a lobster in a mud puddle
  When you go to a continental breakfast and the Spanish banana is not baked to perfection
  When a moose wearing lederhosen runs out of your fridge wearing half a watermelon on his head

What do you do with the extra penguins?

  Just let them roll off into the excess trey
  Feed them to Jabba The Hut
  Get mad and drop a cat out of a moving bus