How do you advertise?

  Hire me pleeeeeeeeeeeease!!!
  Hi. If you have kids, then give me a try!
  HIRE ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Parents leave. What do you ask?

  Where's the bathroom?
  Phone numbers, allergies
  Do you have cable TV?

Time for dinner! What are we having

  Big Mac
  Carrots and Chicken nuggets
  Leftovers you cannot identify

Ella scrapes her hand and cries. What do you do

  Shut the heck up!!!!
  Calm her down and get a band-aid
  Make her keep playing

Kids went in, are bored. What do you do?

  Play scary zombie video games
  Play monopoly
  Make them sit and do nothing while you call your girlfriend

Bath time. Bob refuses to take his. What do you do?

  I would, you stink.
  lock him in the washing machine and turn it on
  Come on, baths are fun.

Ella smells like she just went. What do you do?

  Pour perfume on her.
  Change it.
  Get a clothespin and put it on your nose

Bedtime. What do you read?

  The three billy goats gruff
  Magazines you see in the store
  The hunger games

The kids listen to music while they sleep. What do you play

  Uncensored Thrift Shop
  Guns n Roses
  "soothing sounds"

What do you do while you wait for the parents?

  Listen to Guns n Roses on their stereo
  Read a book.
  Play Burnout Paradise

How much do you charge?

  FREE!
  20/hour
  200/hour